The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself! Self love is so important but most people don't even know what that looks like. We all want only to love and be loved but sometimes we don't understand how our own actions and reactions, false beliefs and negative self-talk can harm the relationships we cherish the most.
Owning our story is the bravest and most empowering thing we can do! A relationship coach can help you discover what is holding you back from having and creating the relationships you desire. Relationships need to be started and pursued with purpose. What does that mean? It means taking the time to discover what you really want and need in a relationship. What you will and will not settle for and what is a deal breaker. When you set and keep those boundaries, you are better equipped to create the relationship you desire, instead of trying to make a relationship work that wasn't supposed to. You need to be honest and clear about who you are, so you can honor who you are with and decide if that person is truly aligned with what you want to create.
We all want to be loved unconditionally for who we are. At the same time, we all get to be exactly who we choose to be. If we enter into relationships hoping to fix the other person to be who WE need them to be instead of loving them for who they are, we are setting the relationship up for struggle. Similarly, if we are expecting our partner to be responsible for our happiness, we are giving away our power and putting undo pressure on the relationship. We are all responsible for our own happiness. A healthy relationship is formed when two independent people enter into a partnership committed to bringing their best self to everyday, while committing to help the other be the best version of themselves possible. Its true partnership and it is beautiful!
Another extremely important aspect of a healthy relationship is communicating to solve problems. We all want to feel seen and heard and sometimes we hear to respond, instead of hear to listen to exactly what is being said. If an argument is approached with an intent to truly listen, validate and compromise, there would be more room for resolution. My favorite quote about relationships is from a 13th-century poet named Rumi. I employ this mindset in my own life with my most cherished relationships and I love to share this with all my clients. Its a game changer!
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, is a field. I'll meet you there."
Open, respectful communication is essential to any long term healthy relationship. The commitment to each others well-being must be reciprocal and balanced to work. Calm, constructive conversation is vital to solving conflict and ensuring each individual feels heard, seen, valued and loved. This enables us to walk away from conflict with clarity, better and stronger as an individual and as a team. Unresolved, dismissed or ignored conflict, stress or hurt feelings puts even the most satisfying relationships at risk. When both partners are free to express their opposing views with respect, resolution and compromise as the shared goal, it is easier to negotiate the direction of change. Sometimes when couples are arguing about seemingly minor or irrelevant issues there may be a deeper issue at play that needs to be explored and addressed so it can be healed!
Making time for each other is also essential so that each partner feels valued and appreciated. Shared time expressing love goes a long way when the storms hit. Carving out time to be alone is also essential so that you don't lose yourself in the relationship. This way each can rejuvenate and bring the best of themselves to their shared time and make the most of the love they share. Expressing love is essential and vital to any relationship! Expressing affection and appreciation for each other, and valuing and honoring your partner, will ensure that each feels loved, cared for and deeply appreciated. It is truly the deepest desire of our hearts.
Unfortunately, despite wanting it and needing it, some people do not feel worthy of such a powerful, beautiful, reciprocal love. Maybe they were not shown that kind of love ever in their lives, or maybe they were and it was taken from them so they have built walls around their heart to guard and protect themselves to such an extent that they block any one from every loving them again. Remember, if you do not feel happy, valued, loved and appreciated in a relationship, it may be time to turn to a professional to help you love yourself and remove any blocks within yourself that you may have regarding love. Love is a super power, If you are afraid to love again there is hope and there is help! If you are in a relationship with someone who is afraid to love, know that they can only be helped if they want help. Some people are not willing or ready to explore the depths of their pain to heal their own heart, so they will continue to push away love and the feelings of vulnerability that come when deciding whether or not to give their heart to another. All relationships are in your life for a season, to teach you, to hurt you, to help you, and ultimately to guide you to become the person you were meant to be. Love is never wasted, so love fully and honor yourself in every way so you can honor another. You will be lead to exactly where you belong, to create the life and love of your dreams!